Given the impressive number of messages I receive each day, and especially because some issues may have similarities, I decided to set up a new topic. This is the mail readers I will try to answer as accurately as possible. From now on, every Friday you will be able to discover a new story, posted by one or one of you. To participate in your turn, just leave a message at the bottom of this page and accept that it be published in an article.
The process is simple, I select a story from the comments I receive and each week I will bring my analysis and lighting. I want to be available to the greatest number and I know that the advice you will find in this article of a new kind will bring you a precious help in order to have a better understanding of the love life.
For this great first on alexandrecormont.com, we welcome the testimony of Lina * who has difficulties with his ex boyfriend because it broke after a big fight. She wonders how to recover his ex when he wants to be friends. To find out how she should react to make things better and win back, I explain the important steps just below!
Distance, a recurring problem in the couple
My name is Lina and I am from Montpellier. I was with my "ex boyfriend" for about 7 months and it would have been 8 months on December 6th. Recently there was a big fight because according to him I did not give up enough and he claimed that I had nothing to tell. According to him, he was at the origin of all the topics of discussion and that he did everything to maintain the dialogue.
I will be honest and I must admit that it's a bit true! But I too was talking about it either not as if I was totally silent or that I was leaving it in plan. I did everything to maintain the conversation, I asked him questions, we made games, there was still communication between us.
When he called in the evening in general we discussed our days and at some point there was necessarily a time when there were whites so I wished him a good night and sometimes he took it badly. But once he told me that I did not speak enough, that I did not tell much, to limit that I was not interesting. I found it a little abused and I did not think he would react like that because he completely fooled.
You have to know that we really loved each other like crazy people. I have never been so in love with a man to him because he has qualities that I really appreciate, he is upright, he is faithful, he never lies ... In short all the opposite of modern man ! My ex is really a good person and I can even say that it's a bit like my soul mate.
When the argument broke out we paused for a few days and he came back to talk to me and everything was fine. We talked, we laughed, everything was really quiet and relaxed and I thought that everything was fine and as I am very tender with the people I love, I told him beautiful things that are nice to hear. By cons I was disappointed because I had the impression that it did not do anything to him. He was totally insensitive. When I said I love you it's like I say "what time is it?" I do not know if you see the thing, in any case it was really frustrating for me.
Therefore, at one point I was really fed up with it and asked him clearly if everything I told him was still mutual. That's when I have a shock. He confessed to me that he did not want to hurt me that since our argument he had no feelings and that it had separated us from each other.
I understand how he felt but from there to no longer having feelingsThis is also exaggerated. But I took on myself and so I told him that if I made an effort, would his decision and feelings change? He told me that he did not know and that at the moment he felt nothing and so I told him ok at least it was clearer to me because just before he did not even have the courage to tell me that it's over.
You must know that he is from Paris and I from Montpellier. I think distance has had an impact too, but I realize it's not just that.
The way he's going to come near Montpellier to see his family, I suggested that we see each other. He replied that he agrees and that we could see each other during the Christmas holidays, if he came well. There I must admit that even if it pleased me, I did not really understand! We are more together but he still wants us to see each other, so that's what makes me say that he is lost in his feelings and that if we see each other, everything can change.
Except that he still said that we will see more " like friends ".Seriously, I do not know what to do if I have to let it go or not? If friendship is really a solution to win him back? How to return his feelings? Because I too am lost and I still love it ... Thank you for enlightening me Alexandre.
The steps to put in place according to your advisor
The story of Lina is classic even if there are several issues that must be corrected absolutely. Recover his ex when he wants to be friend is widely available but you must follow a specific pattern and do not refuse categorically his friendship by cutting short, be smarter than that 😉
First, the first detail to consider is the length of the relationship. It was 7 months since she was in a relationship with her boyfriend and therefore she was in a CFP, that is to say a short relationship. As I explain in my audio seminar for recover his ex after a short storyit is essential to adapt your actions because they will necessarily be specific. You do not behave with your ex when you've known him for a few months like with your husband or wife after 25 years of marriage.
According to Lina, the trigger for the breakup is the fact that there was no dialogue and that her ex blamed her for not doing enough. But other information is important except that Lina does not speak immediately, it is the distance because he lives in Paris and she in Montpellier. In these conditions, having good communication and engaging oneself in the other is essential. The reason is simple, it is more difficult to create or maintain the feelings when one lives to several hundred kilometers and that one does not have the opportunity to see his partner several times a week. So we have to compensate and it is unfortunately at this level that she did not manage to do the necessary.
When one is far from one's half, so in a remote relationship, it is essential to provide even more effort in order to maintain complicity.
Still, there seemed to be a lot of love between them and they worked well together. Perhaps even a little too much because we feel that Lina has probably placed her former companion on a pedestal as the ideal man. Certainly he has qualities but also defects!
When you are in a relationship for a short time, the feelings can very quickly evolve in one direction but also in the other. This means that they can come back almost as fast as they disappeared. The fact that his ex wishes to see her again proves that he is also in doubt about the separation and that there is a possibility of revive the flame in this young couple. By stating that he wishes to have a friendly relationship with his exhe does not close the door to a new love story. Just when Lina sees him again, she will have to have a perfect game of seduction while taking her time.
To reconquer it, one must take into consideration the remarks he made and the first was that there was a lack of dialogue between them. Lina has taken this into consideration and she recognizes it. Therefore, it will have to be to his advantage by opening the conversation, not hesitating to have topics of conversation on areas likely to interest his man and especially that it does not return to the separation.
Sometimes you have to accept become friends with his ex or rather to do as such in order to recreate an attraction. In this case, it seems to be the only way. Also, under these conditions, it is not necessary to cut the contact. It is necessary to keep a communication through a few sms until his arrival in Montpellier and then provide a phone call or a message to set a meeting face to face. It seems to me useless to specify that everything will be played at this moment!
The love coach aftera short relationship with his ex
* To preserve the anonymity of the person who wrote this testimony, the first name has been changed.