Yesterday morning I received a message on my Facebook account (on which you can add me and ask me your questions too!) Sophie, a diligent reader who seeks to better understand the behavior of the male and who 'm asked "Alexander, I often hear men prefer the idiots, can you explain why?"
Indeed, it is a finding that can be done regularly, and that's why I decided to make a slightly lighter article than usual. But you will also quickly understand why the girls are more successful with men!
Would you like to understand why women who are "chick" have the ribs and are rarely single? What qualities do men look for in a woman to build a love story? Why do you tend to come across men who call you "too nice"?
I was interested in the phenomenon well before receiving the message of Sophie because it is a problem that I met frequently in coaching. Many women who have all the qualities to be happy in Love wondered why the men they met preferred to leave by saying that the relationship was too "simple". Rather absurd as a decision no?
So I looked at the question and you will discover in this article my thoughts.
Men do not know their own needs!
To explain this paragraph, I will tell you about a personal experience. A few years ago a friend asked me what kind of food I liked and I answered without hesitation that I was a big fan of sushi. He asked me if I had already eaten at the Indian restaurant and I did not remember doing it so he wanted to introduce me to this food.
The observation was simple, I had never eaten a dish as delicious!
What is the relationship between love and my culinary tastes? No priori! But by digging a little you will understand better ...
There is one essential aspect that I wanted to emphasize: a human being never knows his own needs because they evolve permanently according to his own experiences. So, you simply have to generalize this process to your life: no one ever knows exactly what he wants because a new idyll is synonymous with new experience.
For example, a man will say that he is looking for a sweet, smiling, kind woman ... But when he finds it, he will leave because he will find that the relationship is too dull and not exciting enough. Have you ever known a friend make such a decision?
Our daily life is governed by the notions of "+" and "-" as for a stack, and for a couple to survive by bringing a set of happiness to a man, there must also be conflicts that feed this relationship and bring out the positive. This is not a pattern that is true for 100% of males but the majority, men love boring are attracted by this duality between well-being and small conflicts.
All this leads me to the conclusion that men especially need to idealize the woman who accompanies them on a daily basis and that they will therefore be attracted by the challenge that a girl will offer them. This is why you will see that some decide to break with you to leave with a girl who is the opposite of you and especially who will not bring him a quarter of the happiness that you could give him ...
Men need to have a frame
During my experience, I often wondered why some people, whether men or women, remained in a relationship where their partner showed little affection for them, but instead was constantly on their backs to blame them. and fits of jealousy.
Some men prefer the boring ones because unconsciously they appreciate being at the center of this person's life. If you are too lax with a man, he may think you are paying no attention to him and he will then flee.
A annoying woman So has a tendency to have a crazy success especially on the psychological and unconscious aspect of a man. I have often heard testimonials from couples who had a rather hectic relationship of ups and downs. Sometimes even the tensions went to extremes but mostly because it was a way for them to to live fully their love !
In the end, many men who seem confident and at ease in seduction actually suffer from a real devaluation and look for a woman who is able to give them maximum attention. This in order to feel a form of security even if this attitude leads daily or almost to disputes and crises.
Men prefer jealousy because simplicity is bland!
During my many coaching meetings with women and men, I accompanied people in various situations. By taking a close interest in emotional addiction, jealousy, lack of communication and all problems related to love... I realized that the human being had a kind of "fascination" for complicated situations. I will take as a best example a reflection of Alain 46 years old, his sentence marked me:
"What is too simple is not interesting: when I know that the woman is acquired I get tired easily whereas when she pushes me away, that she is jealous or that she shows me her character I must look for 'impose and that's what I like'. In this case, it is clear that some men enjoy the girls !
We can consider that the human being, and can be even more the masculine, is attracted by the challenge and that a bitch is never acquired unlike a sweet woman and above all a little too disciplined.
I want to clarify that this article and especially the last paragraph is from my coaching analysis and do not affect my personal opinion since I like simple and natural relationships (laughter) but sometimes human nature is more complex than could think it!
So ladies, I'm sorry but I would have a hard time teaching you to become a joker because it's not my job, I think that reading the book "The perfect woman is a bitch" can against a background of humor you help change your behavior.
I will just repeat a sentence that I often say in coaching:
"A man tends to flee when a woman shows more love than him!"
I know, it's absurd but it's the reality!
I invite you to share your experiences in the comments and if you lack confidence in your romantic meetings, I wrote a book to help you which is entitled " The Code of Love ".
Love coach always surprised the behavior of some men in Love!